Carm is a real estate technology executive, casual NFL observer, and sedentary defensive strategist. She has never coached professional football but has repeatedly demonstrated the ability to locate a tight end on a television screen.

Questions, evidence, or formal objections: facemask@coverthedamntightend.com

Disclaimer: I am not claiming I could coach an NFL defense. I am merely suggesting that I am aware tight ends exist, which already places me ahead of several qualified applicants.